Fatherhood

Am I ready to be a father? I guess we'll get to find out soon enough. If you haven't been following Colleen's Blog (then you probably aren't out here either, lol) then you should know that Colleen is pregnant, and we are now engaged on our way to the altar for what won't technically be a shotgun wedding, but soon enough that we aren't looking at maternity bridal gowns. ;-)

I'd lie if I said I wasn't scared as hell. Right now, I think it is just the realization that I am finally getting what I have said I really wanted, and now I have to learn if I am going to be a good father or not. I don't really know how to learn to be a father, and I never really cared for any kids while reaching this point in my life. I am going to hope for the best. I know that Colleen and I can get through it together, and we'll be good parents in the long run.

I am also worried about being the "old dad." Realistically, my child will be 18 when I am 50. When I was growing up, that was the old dad. It usually implied a larger family, and I knew the youngest child. In my case, I just got started late. I only hope that doesn't negatively impact my relationship with the child. I don't think it will, but somehow I will have to be in better shape longer. Get off my butt. :-)

Things are hectic here now. I had some plans for the house that I wasn't going to alter. That means talking to the landscaping folks, potential painters, and soon flooring and carpeting people. Her parents are going to be down from PA this weekend. I had hoped to have most of it done before they got here in late April, but oh well. None of it will start while they are here, and that's probably better than it not being done. ;-) Add into the mix the start of baby doc visits, ring appraisals, wedding ceremony plans (thinking beach wedding, if we can pull it off quickly and inexpensively), and the start of the busy season at work, and I am on the edge of mental exhaustion. This weekend could provide some downtime, but my expectation is that I'll be pretty stressed with her folks down, and I'll still be weary. Sleep is for the weak. :-)

Speaking of old, it occurred to me that this is 2005, and I do have my 20 year High School reunion to think about. I do want to go. The last 10 years have been a long strange trip of sorts. March marks the 10th anniversary of my 1st marriage. When I think about who I was then, and who I am now, I am really stunned. I never have any regrets, though. The person I was during all of those 10 years was happy at the point in time, and I am happy now. How could it have been bad? :-) It may or may not be interesting to see some of these people. I stay in touch with the ones I want to and can, and try to hunt down the ones I want to stay in touch with but can't. The rest have somewhat fallen into the ether. But, I love Sherwood, and I will enjoy going to North Hills Country Club and seeing if I can make most changed. ROFLMAO (I can't detail, but the 10 year was a fascinating study in what counted as changed.) Maybe my hunt will be a bit easier after the reunion. Some of my old friends have been as slippery as I have *grin*.

Well, I promised myself that I'd work harder at the blog. I also told myself I'd work more on the site. I don't like the slideshows I got through the XP Powertoys. Sorry. I got what I paid for, which was nothing. :-) No easy way to insert a caption that I could find. That means I need to find a better picture publisher. Maybe even pay for one. :-) I intend to get pics from France and Germany out here, as well as get everything ready for the baby picture slides. That means paying for more space, which is amazing, because I haven't had 5MB of Internet content in almost 10 years.

OK, well time to sign off. I have some follow up postings to comments I made in earlier rants. I'll get those out soon, I promise.

Cheers.