Mourning and Loss

So, Colleen and I had to fly to Pennsylvania to attend the funeral of her paternal grandmother. That wasn't easy. I am not a fan of funerals (not that I suspect anyone really is) but I think it stems more from the not knowing how to act. When I saw my father dead in the ER, I cried, and it seemed to come very easily. At a funeral, however, I have never cried. Even my own grandmother's passing did not raise a tear. I don't think I am heartless, far from it, I just think that I react very strangely to the premise of death. It makes attending funerals very hard.

I think a large part of it comes from my sheer lack of faith. For me, that's the end of that person. There's no "other side" I have to worry about. It may also be that they usually look at such peace at that time, when the last time I saw them it was far from peaceful. I don't really know, and I am not sure I'll ever know. Knowing that whatever the net of that philosophical discussion is, they are at peace in this life and that is probably adequate for me. It just means that a death for me isn't a mourning, it is a celebration. They have been released from this mortal coil, and no longer have the concerns or issues that were in their life at this time. That to me is relieving.

A death in the family always brings family and friends out of the wordwork. I was really surprised to meet Colleen's father's side of the family. I guess every family tree has a black sheep branch. I know mine does. LOL (for those that want just a small sample, you can visit www.jbotti.com and see the patriarch of the branch of my family that is definitely on the fringe. They are good people, but they are the folks that the other side of my family definitely doesn't talk much about.

Anyway, just wanted to post a brief message. It was on my mind

Cheers